Today, I am talking about why Fifty
Shades of Grey makes me feel sorry for women in America, and why I
use it to justify not liking you.
I absolutely judge other people by what
they read. And I will judge you harshly if you've read this piece of
crap and worse, if you liked it. I feel that judging people by their
tastes in books and movies is a perfectly legitimate way to size
someone up in a snap shot.
For example my favorite books are the
Crucible (by Arthur Miller) and The Courtship of Princess Leia (by
Dave Wolverton). This tells you everything you need to know about me.
I like classic literature with tons of subtext and tragedy. And
space ships. That gives you a fairly accurate representation of what
to expect when interacting with me. When one of your Heroes is Han
Solo...how can a guy go wrong, really? (Note: He did shoot first, and
any one who says differently is a liar. LIAR.)
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| See? Han shot first. |
The same logic (or Real Life Dean!Logic) can be
applied to movies. If you tell me your favorite movies are the
Twilight Franchise, or Prometheus I can infer you have unrealistic
expectations of romance, have never seen Interview with a Vampire
(because THAT my friends is a fucking sexy vampire), have a fixation
with shiny things and don't care for coherent plots or consistent
characterization. On the flip side of that my favorite movies are
Lethal Weapon 3, The Terminator and Lilo & Stitch. From this you
can deduce that I like exciting movies with strong female characters,
delicate but intense romances, lots of snarky dialogue, anything in
which a dog saves the day and small blue aliens with speech
impediments.
So when people tell me they actually
enjoyed something as poorly written and horrifically bad as 50 Shades
of Grey... I am forced to wonder if they have a functional IQ, or if
they require 24 hour supervision from a nurse so they don't
accidentally cut themselves by using a kitchen knife backwards. (On a
side note, what post is complete with out mentioning a time when Dean accidentally cut himself by using a pocket knife backwards. True
story, bro.)
I have finally after slogging through a
dozen or so hilarious recaps (each with excerpts so I can't quite
wash the foul taste of the horrible abuse of the English language
from my mouth at the fact this thing exists, and worse it's making
money) I have come to the conclusion about what REALLY bothers me
about this whole thing. It isn't so much that Fifty Shades of Grey is
horribly written (it is), it isn't that it's a horrific portrayal of
abuse dressed up as romance (it is), it isn't even that I am kind of
jealous that this piece of trash and hack writer are making way more
money then I will probably ever see while I toil away in obscurity
while people say of my writing that it's “beautiful” and that I
portray “great, real characters” (because that is part of it, I
admit.) What REALLY gets under my skin is not what Fifty Shades of
Gray says about anything, it's what the popularity of it says.
The popularity of Fifty Shades says to
me not what publishers will do to make a buck (because we all know
there are few places they won't go to make the all mighty dollar),
but what it says about how women see themselves. This is being touted
by people (women in fact) as the key to revitalizing marriages, of
awakening your sex goddess with in (which I happen to know some very
nice lesbians at the local sex toy store who can help you with that
in a completely non-abusive, un-creepy nonjudgmental way).. While
being this portrayal of a relationship that bares every classical
sign of abuse. This is what women in this country think they are
worthy of? Being stalked. Controlled. Manipulated. Taken against
their will?
Jesus Christ. What the hell have we
done to our children, America? I am not a father (and let's take a
moment to all be thankful for that, because seriously I can't boil
water with out setting the stove on fire.) But I am a son and
brother. I have a mother. I have a sister. I have a sister-in-law,
and probably will have another soon. I have friends who are near and
dear to me who are women (Pepper in particular.) I have dated women
(GASP! But you're gay! Mostly Gay. Not entirely gay. There's a
difference.)
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| Ask this guy, he knows what I mean. |
In short there are a lot of women in my
life. And as a (mostly) gay man I am part of a marginalized section
of society. I can empathize with the plight of women. More
importantly I feel strongly about ensuring the women in my life are
treated fairly, equally and with out judgment. In short I am a
feminist, joining the likes of Joss Whedon in being a male feminist
at that.
So when I see this blatant display of
abuse portrayed as every girl's fantasy, I wonder if that's what the
women in my life feel they deserve. If that's all they feel they are
worthy of. Are they worth no more than to be controlled by a man?
Manipulated by a boyfriend who with holds affection to get his way?
Or worse, do they feel the men in their lives are justified in using
violence to frighten and control them as long as it's under the
banner of BDSM? It worries me to my very core that that's all women
think they are deserving of. Because this book isn't totted as a
cautionary tale of what abuse can do to a woman's psyche, or even as
a dark and morbid tale of psychological manipulation. No, this piece
of shit book is declared erotic, and the label of every woman's
fantasies.
Excuse me?!
Pepper if you are reading this and all
you think you deserve is a guy who treats you like this and it's okay
because it's BDSM (not) and he's rich (which means everything he does
is totally forgivable) I will come into the next room and whack you
about the head with a copy of Pride and Prejudice until you start
thinking sensibly again. I will force feed you Mr. Darcy, Kyle Reese,
Atticus Finch and Jean Valjean until you get it. Hell, Tarzan was
quite literally raised by apes and STILL managed to treat Jane with
more respect than Christian Grey has ever shown Anastasia Steele
(also: all of those names have been ruined for me. Forever.)
I suppose it's no wonder the
Republicans are pushing through bills and legislator about closing
planned parenthood and forced ultrasounds and saying things like
“legitimate rape.” Because apparently women in this country feel
it's totally necessary, neigh even romantic, for a man to tell her
what she can and can not do with her body, her free will and her
life.
Here's a hint, Ladies: Ana Steele
(fuck, Bella Swan, too) is NOT your role model. She is not the woman
you want to aspire to be, because she isn't much of a woman at all.
She's a shallow, self absorbed abuse victim who's boyfriend uses sex
to control her and keep her from seeing the bigger picture (like the fact he's a controlling, manipulative abusive fuckwit.) That is
NOT something you want to aspire to. Your role models are: Elizabeth
Bennet. Sarah Connor. Ellen Ripley. Karin Murphy. Hermione Granger.
Dana Scully. Buffy Summers. River Tam. Zoe Washburn. And if you need
me to explain who these women are....you're not reading enough
or watching enough awesome television. But my point still stands, if
you want to emulate a woman's life and aspire to be like some one;
pick someone who doesn't embody the phrase “get me a sandwhich”
in every fucking way possible. For the sake of your children and the
generations to follow you, please.
Here have some Links to places to read about this tripe with out having to stomach too much of it at once yourself:
Man it's amazing what a simple Google search can produce. Please note I searched for "Fifty Shades of Grey Recap" and just about everything on the first page was a parody/snark/angry rant about this book. That tells you something, doesn't it? DOESN'T IT?!!
Back to our regularly scheduled programing.
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